12 men share their abortion stories

I learned that I was pregnant. I was getting financial aid and I was already trying to graduate, and I didn’t want to be pregnant, I didn’t want to have kids. I was very suicidal and depressed. I quit school for a bit and went home. There was a Planned Parenthood around the corner from where I grew up, and I just went there. When I told them what had happened, they put me in touch with a rape crisis centre. It was my first time going to therapy. I don’t know what I would do if I hadn’t started therapy.

My abortion cost $300. I was a struggling student. I ended up having to take out a payday loan, which was well over $300 and took much longer to pay off.

Women are not the only ones who have abortions and need them. There are also trans men, there are also other non-binary or gender non-conforming people who do not identify as women who also need access. It is important that our voices are heard regarding access to abortion.

Michael, 23, Colorado

I was on the team abortion pretty much all the time, and she was trying to think about it. I just made my case. Like, “Hey, we really can’t afford to have this kid at all.” She was 19 years old. I was 22 at the time.

It was so scary the whole process. Get the ultrasound and see that she was actually pregnant, [I was] more sentimental than I thought. Seeing that life that’s there doesn’t make it any easier than we thought. A lot of the old school tropes really came into play, like, Are we killing this kid?

“In your brain, you know it’s not the right time. In your heart you begin to imagine and dream of what could have been.

Diego, 27, Rockland County, New York

I had a serious girlfriend for a while. [Then at one point] she started acting weird, distant. And looking back, I was kind of oblivious to seeing the signs. You know, her breasts were getting bigger and she was getting nauseous and stuff like that. And then one night she came out and said, “Hey, I had an abortion this week.” And I’m like, “Wait, what?” She thought I just didn’t want to deal with it, which I really didn’t. I was quite devastated. And I was just thinking, “Oh, my God. I lost my child.”

Before that time, as a Christian, I had always had the view, like, “Yes, abortion is wrong.” But it’s not really a problem that I was claiming or claiming anyway. Since then, I’ve become more informed and active about why I believe abortion is wrong, in regards to what the Bible says, pro-life and pro-choice arguments, and how we talk about of the question.

I’m hurt that baby never had a chance. I’m hurt that my girlfriend thought it was the right decision to make, especially without consulting me. Because even though America says it’s a women’s problem, it’s just as much a man’s problem because it takes a man and a woman to make a baby. And it’s something that we’ll both carry around for the rest of our lives, the memory of what could have happened. I think about this baby – not like every day or week – but I think about this baby a lot.

Dashiel Hitzfelder, 38, Durham, North Carolina

I felt really stupid. We know how birds and bees work, don’t we? You have unprotected sex, there are consequences, and that’s what happened. You put on a seatbelt when you get in a car, and if you don’t and you get into a car accident and smash your face, those are the consequences you live with while something very simple could have prevented it. I was just mad at myself.

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